All hail the glow cloud

Hi I'm Jacob. Niall is my baby, Liam Payne is my daddy and I heart Ziall :(

Educating a Friend

Me: So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
Guy Friend: What's his name?
Me: I don't know. Frank?
Guy Friend: No.
Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
Guy Friend: I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
Me: ...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
Guy Friend: Do I have any money?
Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.
Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
Guy Friend: Nah, it's cool.
Me: Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
Guy Friend: What five bucks?
Me: Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
Guy Friend: What? Why would I--
Me: I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but...
Guy Friend: ...
Guy Friend: ...
Guy Friend: oh

If homophobia were a conversation about food...

Homophobic Person: My favorite food is pizza!
Homosexual Person: Cool! My favorite food is pasta!
Bisexual Person: I like both!
Pansexual Person: Hey guys, I don't have a favorite! I'll pretty much eat what tastes good to me.
Asexual Person: I like the way food looks and smells more than the way it tastes.
Homophobic Person: whAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DISGUSTING PEOPLE WHY ISN'T PIZZA YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?!?! YOU'RE GOING TO HELL.

megisqueenofhell:

justdontwordshurt:

xydg:

i wonder what its like to be attractive enough to have random people have crushes on you 

If you have random crushes on someone tell them

I don’t think u are understanding

creepyjirachi:

the only card i will ever send

phosphorescentt:

gillianandersons:

do you ever realize that there was a moment when your mom or dad put you down as a baby and never picked you up again

I told my mom about this and she walked over and picked me up I am a 22 year old adult woman

apollollo:

send this to your crush

barfpop:

me promoting immaculat vodka at the opening of lif night club in vegas

swagking4000:

there was a big explosion sound outside and i pulled aside my curtain to see what it was but as i did so, so did the woman across the street and we both sort of waved at each other and it was nice even though something may have exploded

majesticaljeff:

rednecktex:

huffy-lemon:

Favorite story posts part 1

That last one

My dad says the ‘making love in a canoe’ about american beer

magicalschoolgirl:

I swear to god when people see instruments they’re just like

image

flute

image

flute

image

flute

image

flute

image

recorder

justbeingfabulous:

just give me the fucking pancakes 

Toddler: Mama, I L-L-Looo
Mother: You love me?!
Toddler: Long ago the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar, master of all four elements could stop them, but when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years past and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar, an Airbender named Aang. And although his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe Aang can save the world.